


trauma *DISCONTINUED*

by kittenyoonie



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Trauma, Dancer Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Fluff and Angst, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is Whipped, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Sad Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Shy Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Yang Jeongin | I.N is Whipped, Yang Jeongin | I.N is a Sweetheart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:14:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25834810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenyoonie/pseuds/kittenyoonie
Summary: "i'm fucked up jeongin, i can't be fixed."orfelix and jeongin are soulmates but after childhood trauma resurfaces things go to hell and their relationship is put at stake.started: july 23, 2020ended: ongoing
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han, Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin, Lee Felix/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Minho | Lee Know/Seo Changbin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> first off this is an au based in a world where soulmates are real and everyone can feel their soulmate's feelings/emotions.
> 
> this book will include heavy topics such as self harm, suicide, abuse and assault. i am in no way trying to romanticize these things but more so bringing light to the reality of it. it's not all like it's written in stories and if any of you have gone through any of these things then please reach out to someone to talk through it and get closure. it took me many years but trust me it's worth it in the end.
> 
> if you cannot read about these things then please do not read further! check out some of my other stories that are more light hearted and not as gloomy.
> 
> anyways i hope you enjoy this story!
> 
> ~the author

_march 10, 2009_

_dear soulmate,_  
_so you're my soulmate? i don't know how this is supposed to work. do i just tell you who i am and tell you what i look like? i guess so..._  
_well hello, i am yang jeongin and i'm 8 years old! i have brown hair and brown eyes that kind of make me look like a fox. if you want to know more about me you can ask!_

_today is the day we learned more about our soulmate bonds at school. did you know that soulmates can feel each other's emotions? i didn't until today!_

_maybe that's why i always feel so happy and giddy all the time. you must be full of life and excitement._

_i hope i get to see you one day. i bet you look really pretty in person. you're emotions already seem like you're really fun to be around._

_anyways i hope to hear from you soon!_

_~jeongin♡_


	2. Chapter 2

_march 25, 2009_

_dear jeongin,_

_hello, my name is lee felix. i'm 9 years old with dark brown hair, almost black, and brown eyes._

_thank you for all of the nice words! i always wondered why i would get excited randomly but now that i know i can feel your emotions too i understand why._

_i wonder what else we can feel from each other. maybe we have telekinesis or we could be in each other's dreams. that would be so cool!_

_you seem like a very nice person and i hope i get to meet you soon so we can play games together and watch movies!_

_i have to go now but i promise to write to you as much as possible!!_

_~felix_


	3. Chapter 3

_march 12, 2022_

_dear hyung,_

_how have you been? we haven't talked in a while. are you doing okay? i can tell you've been a bit sad lately and i hope you are okay._

_i made a playlist of songs to listen to when i miss you. i miss you a lot these days._

_minho hyung and chan hyung have been helping me a lot but i can't help but worry about you. i often wonder if you've met someone new or if you've moved on. i wouldn't blame you for moving on, i wasn't enough for you. you deserve the world and i couldn't give that to you._

_i hope whoever you're with treats you like an angel sent from the heavens cause that's exactly what you are._

_i have and will always love you, lixie._

_forever and always._

_~your jeonginnie♡_


	4. Chapter 4

_september 15, 2015_

felix sat at a large dining table in front of a birthday cake that had the words 'happy birthday felix' written across the top. friends and family surrounded the table singing to the small boy.

as he blew out the last candle he was presented a small envelope by his mother.

"happy birthday my little prince."

he opened the envelope to see a birthday card with a cute little bear on the front of it.

_i hope your birthday was as special and memorable as you are to me, lixie._   
_i can't wait to see you my love♡_   
_love,_   
_innie_

with tears in his eyes he smiled at the card and at his mom who hugged him tightly.

"well i think it's time to give you the big present!" his mother exclaimed as she ran to her room to grab the present.

she came back with a medium sized box and set it down in front of the birthday boy. felix ripped it open to find a brand new camera and backpack.

"thank you so much mom!" he said with a wide smile.

"there's more in there silly."

the boy peered further into the box, removing the camera and bag, seeing a small piece of paper at the bottom. he picked up the paper and flipped it over to read.

airplane tickets.

tears flowed down the boy's face as he looked at his mom, "i get to go see innie?"

with tears in her eyes and the biggest smile on, she nodded frantically engulfing her son in a bear hug.

felix couldn't believe it, he gets to see his soulmate for the first time.


	5. Chapter 5

_december 28, 2015_

felix stepped off the plane into the terminal with his mother. he still couldn't wrap his head around being in busan for the first time in his life.

they made their way to luggage claim and gathered their things before heading out to catch a taxi.

the car ride to jeongin's house was nerve racking for felix. he couldn't wait to meet his soulmate and finally be able to see his beautiful face in person.

soon enough they were parked in front of a two story house that had balloons and a banner at the front door.

"welcome felix!"

the boy smiled at how thoughtful his innie was to put all of this up.

as they unloaded their luggage from the car, he heard the front door open and his heart rate picked up dramatically.

this is it. okay i can do this. there's nothing to be nervous about felix! it's not like you're meeting the love of your life for the first time...

fuck okay im gonna vomit right here. calm down body jesus christ! let me breathe here!

"lixie?"

felix turned around to face jeongin. there stood a cute brown haired boy wearing a fleece, baby pink sweater and black skinny jeans. his smile so wide that you couldn't see his eyes.

beautiful.

"hi innie." felix said with a bright smile and rosy cheeks. the younger immediately engulfed the elder in a bone crushing hug, nuzzling his face into the boy's neck.

"i can't believe you're real," jeongin muttered as he inhaled the smell of felix's cologne, "you're actually here."

felix squeezed the boy tightly kissing the top of his head, "you're even more beautiful in person."

jeongin pulled away with a small blush before helping felix and his mother bring their things inside the house.

"it's so nice to meet you mrs. yang!" felix bowed to the woman who greeted them at the door.

"oh dear i have been waiting what feels like centuries to finally meet the boy who stole my son's heart," mrs. yang said with a small smile, "you're even more handsome than i thought."

"i will help them bring their stuff to the rooms eomma!" jeongin shouted as he made his way up the stairs, luggage in hand.

after getting everything settled in the rooms they all came down to have lunch together.   
the mothers had basically started their own conversation talking about work and other motherly things.

"so how was the flight here?" jeongin asked as he ate his chicken.

"it was quite boring actually," felix said with food in his mouth.

"well most plane rides are lixie." jeongin said with a chuckle as he finished his plate.

after their lunch, they decided to go to the near by park and just walk around. they sat on swings next to one another, slowly swinging.

"i'm really glad you're here hyung," jeongin stated as he looked up at the sky, "i was starting to worry that we would never meet."

a soft chuckle escaped from the elder as he looked at his soulmate, "you know, i thought you wouldn't like me anymore if we met?"

jeongin scoffed, "i'm so whipped for you lixie, how could i not like you?"

felix shrugged before continuing to swing. they talked about random things for almost an hour, sitting on the field of grass, until they realized the sun was starting to set.

"i think we should head back home before our moms have a fit." felix said as he grabbed jeongin's hand to help him up.

as they made their way home, felix didn't let go of the younger's hand. he was content with holding it forever if he could. jeongin wasn't complaining, in fact he was a blushing mess. no one has ever held his hand before so this simple action made his heart flutter.


	6. Chapter 6

_june 26, 2017_

felix sat in his new apartment in the middle of seoul, south korea. he had decided to move from australia to korea for school and for his jeonginnie too.

"lix, have you seen the broom and dust pan?" his roommate and best friend, chan, asked as he walked into the living room.

"isn't it in the hallway closet?" felix said while scrolling through his phone.

"wait, do we even have a broom?" chan questioned with an amused look on his face. felix froze before, quite literally, facepalming and making his way to get his car keys, "i'll be back."

felix made his way to the store to get a new broom and what ever else they needed.

as felix was making his way to his car with all his shopping cart full of groceries and other things, when he felt a sense of anxiety run through him. he stopped in the middle of the isle and felt his head start to hurt. he tried to shake it off and made his way to the register. he knew this wasn't a soulmate feeling, this was his own body doing this.

after he loaded up his groceries into the car, he started the car and headed home. the entire drive he could feel his head getting worse, his body started shaking and breaking out into a sweat.

maybe i'm just getting a fever. 

once he made it home he had brought everything inside and flopped on the couch. chan came into the living room and saw felix, "hey, are you okay? you don't look so good."

felix was shaking like a leaf, his breathing was unstable and he felt lightheaded with a headache. he gazed at chan with tears in his eyes, "i don't k-know what's h-happening to me."

he struggled to speak as his throat felt like it was closing and tears started to fall freely down his cheeks.

chan immediately knew what was happening and what he needed to do.

"felix i need you to take a deep breath for me okay? can you do that for me?" he said as he dialed someone on his phone.

felix nodded as he took in deep and steady breaths, well as steady as he could manage. chan rubbed circles onto the younger's hand in an attempt to soothe him while he was on the phone.

_"hello?"_

"I'm sorry to be ringing you out of nowhere but we have a problem."

_"what is it christopher? are you and felix okay?"_

"i am but he isn't."

_"oh god is it happening again?"_

"yes ma'am, he is."

_"i'll be on the first flight out there. you know what to do right?"_

"yes ma'am but what are you going to tell him? he might actually remember this time."

_"i'll deal with it when i get there. for now get that medicine in him and wait for me."_

"yes ma'am. be careful coming out here."

_"i will, now go tend to him please."_

as the woman hung up, chan had already grabbed the medicine and a bottle of water for felix.

"you need to take this so it'll stop lix."

without hesitation felix swallowed the pills and gulped the water. within fifteen minutes his body had finally calmed down and he felt drowsy.

"it's okay to go to sleep. i'll be here when you wake up." chan said soothingly as he ran his hand through the younger's hair. felix only hummed before letting sleep overtake him.


	7. Chapter 7

_january 27, 2017_

felix opened his eyes to the orange hue of the bed side lamp covering his room. he looked around for chan and noticed him and another figure at the end of the bed

"mom?"

the figure turned to face the freckled boy with a warm smile, "hi my love."

"w-what are you doing here?" felix asked in disbelief. he knew the flight her was long, how long was he out for?

"christopher called me and told me what happened so i got here as soon as i could," she said as she sat right next to her son, "you scared me there little one."

she brushed his hair out of his face, gently caressing his face. felix lent into her mother's touch, he missed this. he missed how gentle his mother was with him, especially when he was younger.

"im going to go make you some soup lix," chan said as he stood up, "potato soup sound good?"

felix nodded as his best friend exited, "how long was i asleep?"

"two days now."

his eyes grew double in size as he looked at his mother in shock, "h-how?"

his mother sighed heavily before lying down next to him and holding him close, like she used to when she would sing him to sleep. 

"the medicine chris gave you knocked you out cold," she said still brush his hair with her fingers, "you used to take it when you were younger."

comfusion set in boy as he tried to think back on his childhood. does he remember taking medication as a kid? he doesn't think so. 

"you don't remember because it helped to keep the trauma away."

felix felt his stomach sink at her words, "what do you mean?"

"i should have told you this before you moved," she started with a sense of guilt forming in her, "i thought you would've remembered but the doctor said you were just repressing it."

she sat up and looked felix in the eyes, "felix, you were sexually abused."

_you can't run now!_

_you're mine._

_you won't escape from me_

_this is gonna be fun._


	8. NOT AN UPDATE

okay so i’ve decided to start posting updates on my stories on twitter if you would like to keep up with them! 

my twitter is @lovelytuzi

also if you follow me there i will be doing a giveaway soon on there! keep an eye on that when it happens!

i will be opening up commissions for stories and oneshots! just dm on there if you would like one whether it be a public one or a private one.

thank you for reading my stories and supporting me!! you are all appreciated❤️

stay safe and hydrated friends!


	9. Chapter 9

BE ALBUM RAFFLE!!

i will be doing a raffle for BE(Deluxe Edition) album!! 

if you want to enter you need to commission me!

my prices and number of entries allowed are below!! 

COMMISSIONS DONT HAVE TO BE KPOP OR SKZ RELATED!!

au writing prices

-oneshot(less than 1k words): $3

-entry: 1

-oneshot(more than 1k words): $5

-entry: 2

-story(less than 10 chapters): $8

-entry: 3

-story(more than 10 chapters): $10

-entry: 4

NOTICE: I WILL NOT WRITE INCEST, BEASTIALITY, NON-CONSENSUAL, OR UNDERAGE WORKS.


	10. Chapter 10

okay so i have been offered an exclusive contract with WebNovel on my stories and i will now be posting all of my stories on there

as much as it pains me to remove my stories on here, i really hope those of you who enjoy my stories will still support me on there! 

goodbye ao3,  
i hope to see you there🖤

-mars

the


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